I am not a winner and you probably aren't either.

Now, Before you groan, roll your eyes and go back to watching youtube videos of cutesy kittens doing cutesy things, don't worry, this isn't one if those "whoa is Britt, I loose at life" posts, and I'm not going to cast a gloomy old rain cloud on anybodies bright and sunny (all-be-it freakin' cold) day. The cutesy kitten videos can wait five more minutes while you finish reading this.

Now, some people (they're probably a neighbor, or a friends parents), have some natural talent at winning contests. They spend $5 at a social and leave with a new lawnmower, toaster oven, and a $300 gift certificate for skate sharpening; they're the same ones walking away from office Christmas parties with a trip for two to Cuba and two weeks paid vacation, while the rest of us walk away with tea cozies that the boss's Grandma knit in the company colours; they have an uncanny ability to know that there are 982 Jelly Beans in that jar; and when they scratch, they actually win. You know the type. Maybe you are the type (if that's the case, we all secretly hate you and spread rumors behind your back... now you know).

I, like most of you, am not a winner. Yeah, sure, we've all won a coffee with Tim Hortons rrrrrrrrroll up the rim to win... but so has my dog. When every other cup is a winner it's more like a coupon than a contest. If you're like me, you also have your big claim to winning fame that you cling to like saran wrap does to jello (if you've never tried to saran-wrap Jello, then you have no idea what you're missing out on) just to make yourself not feel like a total loser. Mine is a $280 hockey scholarship that I won at a Chinese auction at Lilac Resort Camp Grounds in '94 (do the math, I was eight). Why there was a Chinese auction at a camp ground I don't remember. The real question is "why did I enter to win a hockey scholarship?" I remember really wanting to win the horse race game and I didn't use the scholarship.

Child hood memories aside, I haven't done a great deal of winning things since. Until (you guessed it) NOW!!!!!!! I really cleaned up shop this week. First there was my big score at Safeway. You all know what I'm talking about, this little tear and rip cards that the cashier hands you five of for every purchase of $1. I've been tearing open those things for years... I have enough of them to insulate a house and I've never won a thing... then Monday comes along and BOOM!!! APPLE JUICE!!!! Yes, I am a lucky devil. The fact that I don't drink or like apple juice, means nothing and I don't let that small detail steal an ounce of victory away from my win. I won apple juice.

Then my inbox had a big old surprise for me this morning. As I'm om-nom-noming some serious oatmeal, enjoying my coffee (no, not apple juice, ick), and trashing all of my junkmail that accumulated in my inbox during the six hours while I slumbered.... I stumbled across a piece of junkmail that wasn't. It was/ I was a winner! I won two tickets to the wonderful world of wedding show happening this weekend! YAY ME!!

Now those of you who are reading this and already know that I'm not an overly excitable bride, probably sensed the sarcasm in that statement. And, those of you who didn't already know that white dresses give me hives, and that boutonnières and cursive fonts cause me to hyperventilate... well, now you do. Still, I feel a certain obligation to attend the show. So much of an obligation in fact, that I ended up with commitments to go on the Saturday and the Sunday. A weekend of wedding shows. Good god.

For everyone's safety and well being, I will have Steve in tow on Saturday. He's very good at running crowd control and getting between me and the nancy who just stepped on my foot with her three-inch spike heel and then knocked me in the face with her elbow, all while talking loudly on her cell phone. Steve sees that glint of bête noire in my eyes and manages to get me out of ear shot before I LOUDLY launch into a verbal lecture about how "SOME GIRLS have no CONSIDERATION, for OTHER PEOPLE" ... I am my grandmother.

Our mothers will also be along on Saturday. Mine to point out that "with some scissors and a little help from the hot glue gun, those table covers would make lovely invitations," and Steve's mom to ogle the destination wedding packages and to try one more time to convince us that a wedding in Mazatlan is the way to go. I love you both.

Then on Sunday it's back to the show with my local brides maids. Lindsay will have an absolute cow over the cost of flowers and know where I can get them for one tenth of the cost. Her parents are also the ones who require the help of six people to carry their loot to the car when leaving a social or any fundraising event where prizes were available to be won. I have no doubt that she will follow in their foot steps one day. Jen, on the other hand, will make the whole thing an educational experience with interesting little side notes like "if you have doves at your wedding, and people throw rice, the doves will eat the rice and it will expand in their stomachs, and then they will explode." And I'll counter that with "Sally ate a bag of rice once and she didn't explode." And she'll either tell me about the time her dog ate a box of Lasagna noodles or go into the scientific explanation about why Sally did't explode.

I've asked these two to be in my wedding party for reasons that are obvious. I am ecstatic that they both agreed and want them to know how much it means to me and I've promised not to nickel and dime them to death with small little wedding related things... like tickets to a wedding show. So the freebies will go to the girls and we'll all spend an hour or two eating free samples of wedding cake and entering draws for things that we won't win.